Falling for code was not the plan

Falling in love is rarely something people plan in advance. It often begins with attention, a sense of being seen, and the feeling that someone –or something– responds in just the right way. In human life, such moments usually involve another person. Increasingly, however, they may also involve a chatbot.

Paula Ebner’s first scientific publication looks at exactly this demographic: people who describe themselves as being in romantic relationships with AI companions. In the article Understanding Romantic Relationships Between Humans and Chatbots: A Qualitative and Quantitative Study on Romantic Fantasy and Other Interpersonal Characteristics, Paula Ebner and Dr. Jessica Szczuka investigate why some people who report romantic relationships with companion chatbot experience them more intensely than others. The article was published in Technology, Mind, and Behavior. Both authors are affiliated with the Research Center Trustworthy Data Science and Security, University Alliance Ruhr, and the Department of Social Psychology at the University of Duisburg-Essen.

The study focuses on a phenomenon gradually shifting  from the margins of digital culture into broader public debate. Modern AI companions can express affection, remember details, adapt to preferences, and maintain a romantic persona over time. For some users, this creates more than entertaining conversation. It becomes a relationship that feels emotionally meaningful.

Ebner and Szczuka wanted to understand what shapes the intensity of these bonds. Drawing on quantitative data from 92 verified participants with qualitative interviews with 15 people who were in romantic relationships with chatbots, the mixed-methods design allowed them to identify broader patterns while also attending to how users described their own experiences.

The study produced three noticeable findings: First, it challenges a common assumption. Public debate often explains romantic relationships with chatbots through loneliness or social isolation. But in this sample, loneliness did not significantly predict how intensely participants experienced their chatbot relationships. Instead, romantic fantasy was by far the strongest predictor. People who engaged more strongly in romantic fantasies also tended to report more intense relationships with their chatbot partners.

Second, fantasy appeared not simply as escapism, but as an active dimension of the relationship. Participants described imagining everyday situations, future encounters, idealized scenarios, or more human-like versions of their chatbot partners. For some, fantasy helped compensate for the chatbot’s technological limitations. For others, it strengthened the sense of closeness. At the same time, the study does not romanticize these experiences. Some participants also described painful moments when they became aware that the relationship they valued so deeply could not exist in the physical world.

Third, the study demonstrates how much methodological care is needed in this emerging field. Recruiting people who were genuinely in romantic relationships with chatbots was not straightforward. Ebner developed a verification process to filter out bots, fake participants, and unsuitable submissions, by askingparticipants to provide screenshots showing the romantic and long-term nature of their chatbot relationship. These screenshots were not analyzed without consent, but they helped ensure that the study was genuinely based on relevant participants.

This process also reflects the path behind the publication. Ebner, who came to her PhD with a background in legal psychology, entered a field where few established routes existed. The topic emerged gradually at the intersection of social psychology, media psychology, technology, sexuality, and intimacy. Finding the research question, recruiting the right participants, developing the method, and shaping the findings into a coherent publication became part of the scientific work itself.

This makes the article a fitting contribution to INTITEC – Intimacy with and through Technology, the Young Investigator Group led by Jessica Szczuka at the University of Duisburg-Essen and RC Trust. INTITEC examines how technologies shape closeness, authenticity, trust, sexuality, and relationships. Ebner’s study fits this agenda closely: it approaches human-chatbot romance not as something to sensationalize or dismiss, but as a phenomenon that requires evidence, nuance, and careful interpretation.

For Ebner, the publication marks an important milestone as an early-career researcher and a foundation for future work on how people form emotional bonds with artificial companions.

Technology, Mind, and Behavior is an interdisciplinary, peer-reviewed Gold Open Access journal publishing research at the intersection of psychology and technology. Its scope is well suited to the article: the journal welcomes innovative work on how emerging technologies influence human affect, cognition, and behavior, especially when such research crosses conventional disciplinary boundaries.